A ? (Cauls) = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

?0 = I was making a cake but I ran out of sugar. I went next door to ask if I could borrow a cup to finish making the cake.

?1 = I was making a cake but ran out of cocaine. I went next door to ask if a cup of cocaine could make a mess on a chocolate bed.

?2 = I was making drawings of a cake when I woke up I was in the doors. We played a cover song with a guitar that oddly enough looked just like a cake.

?3 = I was mating with a chocolate cake because I am not racist, but the icing broke! Next door fell on me and now I need to pay child support for illegitimate cupcakes that snort cocoa under my bed!

?4 = I was thrown at a cake who insisted I eat macaroni and mustard. The not coolness of a door frame with no handle is like farting in a barn fool of asses. The kind the goatse not the kind who ride columbians for coffee beans on mars. Now they are watching me and it's red because I spit salvia. We've all fallen though the bed one time but not frank.

?5 = I was made out of cake. But sugar is a platypus dead up store that baked my carbon based grape soda with no eyes. Inside some speak durrr-durrr-durrrf and it turned out all was a secret deep fried crackerjack. And that is why Dr. Phil said. In future-spec, I forgot to not understand and my car was training me to be wrong. Simpleton. When I ate a cup it was all good. Which everybody knows there really is no noes that know how. But only in Baltimore.

?6 = I pissed on a cake which is the intergalactic sign for beer. The peed on cake got pissed off which divided my brain by zero resulting in Rick Astley Giving me up and letting me down and messing around with another 4th dimensional pepper stake from a town called bel air. I whistled at a cab and that hurt me and made me cry like a little but not too much. The tears were sucked in a black hole causing a rift that ultimately destroyed my whole entire lego castle. Seriously. Then the nothing ate everything but my dragon dog which named the anti-christ Frederico Nads. I asked about it and the cake let me know it was Swahili for John. Cakes have a tendency to lie though so I was All put right when it turned out everything was made of chocolate inside a vast light-years wide turtle but the calculations only work in day light saving time if you are calling after 9 pm to save minutes from drowning. And the cake put me away then the sugar came, the sugar made me next door, and it smeared me on a bed. I know, I felt the same way.

? : The Original 6 Cuils

It seems like forever ago that the rip tide carried us out. The water we are in is still deep, but each day I can see that we have swam a bit closer to shore. The load that we have been carrying is getting lighter. There is still a ton of weight. Nonetheless, I can feel the difference.

I imagine the future, the one in which all of the debt, mistakes, and bad memories are finally off our shoulders. I imagine us laying on the beach, hand in hand, arms tired and out of breath from treading water. Every muscle aching, but we are over joyed that we pulled through when so many other drowned under lighter loads.

We're gonna make it.

My name is E. and to this day I'm not sure if I killed my father.

We were in room 218 of the Baltimore / Washington Medical Center. I was laying back in the recliner trying to sleep but my fathers' breathing was strained by the oxygen mask on his face and the beeping noises of the machines prevented me from drifting off. I tried counting sheep but every time I got to 69 I thought of some other meaning for the number and it would take me 15 minutes to resist the urge to sneak into the bathroom to release some tension while thinking about the fairly hot nurse that did the nightly rounds. Once I settled down, I'd start counting again. 1.2.3.4.5. Read the rest of this entry »