I needed this function as well -- and under some time contraints I used a hack to be quick and easy... I still am searching/awaiting for a possible plugin.
My hack is to show all tabs in the userEdit backend overriding the publish setting control in the backend. Then for the frontend, unpublish the tabs you would like hidden. Now you have tabs you can hide but still manage in the User Edit backend.
Not sure if that meets your criteria... but it's worked for me.
..given hacks are so discouraged - why don't you PM me if you want the details on the hack.
-hope this helps.