Hmm... its better than the default. I've changed the menu display settings to
menu display type: Menu List ul-li-spans
status display type: status List ul-li-spans

the default simply puts a Edit button there which relies on people hovering over the button to find the other options . the site I'm doing is for non-computer literate and a lot english isn't their first language.
this setting at least displays all the options in the list (although downwards instead of across)
thanks for this.

It's a parent > child menu system, you can't remove the parent and keep the child. Only way to have such a display is set it to list elements as you've done already and then it would be possible to restyle them with CSS. Can likely have them next to one another using float styles.

BTW - is there some sort of white-label user guide for the CB stuff? how to user invites, how to going groups (in groupjive) ? not developers integration but a users guider for the site - it'll save me writing one

Nope.